THE SECRET DIARY OF LAVENDER BROWN
by singin'intherain251
Summary: the absolutly secret diary that lavender doesn't know has been published.
1. chapter one

THE SECRET DIARY OF LAVENDER BROWN

IF YOU ARE READING THIS BECAUSE I'M DEAD PLEASE BURN THIS BOOK NOW

DON'T READ ANYMORE I'M WARING YOU

WHY AREN'T YOU LISTENING?

October 2

Breakfast Table

Today is a boring day. A sad day because I decided that I wouldn't do any thing with Dean unless he dumps Ginny or just stays with her and to tell you the truth I don't really care what he does because he is a horrible snogger.

God Pavarti can sometimes be so stupid. Can she never realize when I have a bf. Oh well I tell that I'm going to the loo or some thing it is sad how she doesn't realize that I just use an invisibility cloak that she doesn't know about to pursue my manly accomplices. If you know what I mean.

I need coffee now! Why do classes have to start so early?

Muggle music is surprisingly good. To bad that I can't listen to it here. Well according to that insufferable know it all Hermione. Who has read Hogwarts a history like a million times.

I need to find Seamus. I really need a good snog. But must he be so oblivious to my feelings? Urgh.

LMAO. Loony is wearing radishes as earrings again.

Later

Potions

God Snape is so horrible. At least he likes me the most out of all the Griffenders. It is a gift that I have everyone loves me.

Hermione is still being an insufferable know it all. GTG. I need to prep the pool for this afternoon. Today we are betting on the colours of the boy's boxers.

Even Later

Care of magical creatures

Hagird is such a big olaf.

Anyway here is the pool is

Red blue green black pattern

Harry Hermione Pavarti Luna Padma Ginny

Ron Pavarti Padma Ginny Hermione Luna

Dean Ginny HermionePavarti Luna Padma

SeamusLuna Ginny Padma Hermione Pavarti

Any way gtg. Stupid work

Even more later

Well classes are over thanki god. they lasted so long. Divination was so amazing. i think that i may become a seer.

i still have to get the answer for our pool. well atleast i won't be the only who has to ask.

i really wish that Fred and George Weasley were still at the school they were incredibly hot. any way gtg. eyes dropping.


	2. chapter 2 the party

_Thanx for reading my story I hope you like it. I did not make up these characters_

_Please rate my story. Thanx Andrea_

October 3

WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO? WHY IN GODS NAME CAN'T I WRITE MY SECRETS DOWN WITH OUT SOMEONE TRING TO LOOK AT IT? I just caught Harry looking at it. I AM SO SCREWED IF HE TELLS ANYONE ANYTHING THAT IS IN THIS BOOK.

Back. I told him that if he told anyone what was in this book that I would do something so horrible that he would have children or maybe it was not be able to show his face in public. I don't really know but I really do hope that I sounded convincing. Well I did have my mad face on. I show very few people my mad face but if you see my mad face you will hope to god that curl up and die. Well that's according to Pavarti. Have you ever realized that her name sounds like a type of sandwich meat? Shot I shouldn't have said that because it makes me laugh and here is Pavarti asking what's so funny. She's gone I said that I saw Ginny wearing a thong really high. Well she was two days ago. I really should tell that to Ron. How do love to make his ears turn red. It is really funny.

Later

Thank god that I know Hermione so I can get homework help. She like knows everything. It's like so crazy. Okay now I sound like I'm high. Well I'm not. I don't think so. Hmmmm. I shall have to ponder that.

October 4

I think someone did slip me something because I have a terrible head ache. But who would do that? Everyone loves me.

Later

URGH! I so hate boys. They are the most insensitive beings. Even Dementors are probably more sensitive. That complete prat Dean says that he needs me to help choose which girl he wants. Urgh. I told him that would have no part in his decision making process and that I would go to Ginny and tell her everything and then I shall dump him in front of the Griffenders population so he shall never have another girlfriend again. Or something like that. I do insult too many people to remember what I tell.

Well I did have a little bit more than a snog with Seamus. I can't get into details to risky. But I can tell you it was quite heated. If you know what I mean. It was wonderful. Seamus was a good… snogger. And he has really big… muscles. As the muggle singer Madonna says, "I feel like a virgin when your heart beats next to mine." Muggle pop culture is so coolio.

Pavarti I jealous of this diary. She think that I spend more time writing in it than talking to her.

For the pool Pavarti, Hermione, Luna, and Ginny won. It turns out all the guys were wearing red boxers. Oh we had such fun asking them. At least now Ginny will have some pocket money and have some decent clothes maybe. I should ask her to go shopping. Some where nice and cheap.

Ginny is quite nice even though she's a year younger than me.

October 5

well us girls ( Pavarti, Hermione, and Ginny (i don't know how this happened)) decided that we should have a girls night. Well that was so much fun but I'm still suprised that we didn't get in trouble. First we started off with the tradional round of truth or dare (a really fun muggle game) and somehow that lead to lets raid the boy's dorm. Well and we were in the dorm when Ron woke up and thought that Sirus Black was attacking him. Well it's a good thing that Hermione is so good at those Silencing charms. But then everyone started laughing. That is what woke up the rest of the dorm. Seamus was laughing his head off. then we treatened to kill him if he didn't tell us what was so funny. it turns out that he put fire whiskey in our drinks at dinner. I knew that we were under the influence of something. Well it turns out that the guys had fire whiskey too. I don't know if they knew that but it was so much fun. we played muggle games like spin the bottle and 10 minutes in heaven. Wel some how it was always me with Seamus. Then in my foggeled mind i realized that something was not right so i demanded that we used a different bottle. Seamus was not happy about that. you could see him boiling but for some reason he didn't go off. Anyway i ended up with the 10 minutes in heaven with Ron. Who knew that he was so horny? i think that i may have another male companion. It was really to bad that it was only ten minutes. Then after that we went back to our dorm. After that i don't remember anything. Alls I know is that i woke up with a killer headache and in Pavarti's bed with everybody else. I really hope that I didn't do anything really stupid.

Later

Seamus went off ten minutes ago. he was yelling at me becuase i figured out his plot. And then he said that it would have been the perfect excuse for us to do something. And then he told me that I was a little slut for doing what ever i did with Ron. Then I told him that our agreement was over. URGH. I HATE BOYS. what I would give to meet a nice bloke who cares about me.


	3. chapter thinking about Ron and going cra...

_review my work please thanx._

_i hope you like this chapter_

_i'm sorry that mychapters are so short._

October 5

reminder:keep pants on at all times

Why amI really attracted to Ron. I mean I used to luagh at his red hair but now i think it is so incredbly sexy. And those leather trousers that he wears for quidditch. totally and uterlly fit. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH STOP THINKING ABOUT RON!

Anyway the total retard Hannah Abbot blew up the transfiguration classroom agian. it was very amusing but it ruined my favorite socks that have the stars on them. tear. i don't know how she got into Hogwarts.

reminder: laugh at Pavarti's jokes even though they are not at all funny.

HHHHHHHHMMMMMMMM. when is the next Hogsmeade trip. I really want to go shopping.

I am so craving pizza and ice cream together even though my friend is not visiting. DO I HAVE PERMENENT PMS SYPTYMS? breath breath. okay well I wasn't like this last week so it's probably not permenent. BUT WHAT IF IT'S A NEW THING? okay come down. it's probably nothing. I'M GOING INSANE! no i'm not. if i was insane i would be drooling. WELL HAVING AN ARGUMENT WITH ONESELF CANNOT MEAN THAT ONE IS COMPLETLY SANE. okay top arguing with my self.I need chocolate.

Dean tried to get back together with me and i told him that he could shove his appolgy right up his ass. he told me that he was going to break up with Ginny for me. I told him that he shouldn't even bother coming near me without braling up with her first and then i realized that i didn't want to be with him. So I told him so. Then he told me that I was a world class slut. then i told him that I wasn't the one who is cheating on my significant other. URGH!

Let's seeI have transfiguration homework again. i should work on that.

Later

reminder:keep pants on at all times

Later

reminder:keep pants on at all times

Later

reminder:keep pants on at all times

Later

reminder:keep pants on at all times

Later

reminder:keep pants on at all times

Later

Oh screw the pants!


	4. chapter 4 Harry looks like an ass

October 5

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Terrible day! Well first i thought i lost you. So I went to classes sad and paranoid. That was not fun.

Then when I got back to the common room after classes I saw Harry holding you. That was when i got really mad. I mean this book has some secrets that should never be read. Any way this is how the conversation went. Also no one else was in the common room at this moment. They were all eating in the great hall.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH MY DIARY?"

"Well, I saw it one the table last night so I took it. Very good literature."

"DO YOU HAVE ANY CLUE THAT THIS BOOK IS PRIVATE?"

"Are you preganat?"

"WHAT!"

"Well it is a simple question."

"I MEAN THE WHAT THE HELL NOT THE I DON"T KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS WHAT. HOW DARE MAKE COMCLUSIONS ABOUT ME. ALSO IF YOU WANT TO READ MY DIARY YOU MIGHT AS WELL READ IT RIGHT. GOD!" About this timeI noticed that Harry ws starting to grow donkey's ears and a tail. It was so funny but i couldn't tell him. To good ofa chance. So i just grabbed my diary and left in a huff but as soon i was out of earshot I startesd laughing I mean how could you not. and besides it's not like I meant to give him those. And I did tell him that there would be consiqueices if he read my dairy again.

It took him an hour to realize that he had ears and a tail and that they had come from me. I just heard someone yell my name really loudly from the common room. As I came into the common room I noticed that there were more poeple in the common room.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO ME?"

"I don't see anything different about you."

"VERY FUNNY."

Well, you always looked like an ass to me.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO ME?"

"Well, I did tell you that there would be conceqiences if you read my diary again. And besides it's not like anger is an easy thing to control. If I heard right you blew up your aunt second year."

"Well that's different."

"Why?"

"Because I said so. And are you going to help me reverse this or not?"

"Well I don't know how to do that. Here I'll take you to the hospital wing."

"Fine. Lets go."

Well as we walked in total silience Peeves came out of one of the classrooms.

"Peeves. GO AWAY NOW!"

"Ew, look what happened to this guy. he he. i think he needs to have some gum in his hair."

"Peeves I would take her warning. Look what she did to me."

"AND THEN I WILL CALL THE BLOODLY BARON AFTER I"M DONE,"

"Fine, you're no fun."

As we walked into the hospital wingMadame Ponfery says:

"So what happened here?"

"He read my diary when I gave him full warning the first time he did that I would attack."

"Well, I really thought those were empty threats."

"Okay, I think we shall need to call Professor McGonnagal." As she was saying this she was writing a note on one of those memos that they have at the ministry of magic. And then 20 minutes later McGonnagal walks in and says:

"What happened here?"

"Well you see I warned Potter here that if he read my journal that I would attack but he didn't believe me. So he read my journal and then made comments. So becuase of the comments that he made I started yelling at him. and while I was yelling at him the ears and tail started to grow."

"Mr. Potter is this what happened?"

"Yes, Professor."

"Well, Madam Ponfrey cure Mr Potter and there shall be no punishments becuase Mr. Potter has been warned that he should not read Miss Brown's diary and then make comments. and Miss Brown has learned that she should control her anger."

I really can't believe that I got out of that one scott free. And to top it off I'm now famous in the school for attacking Potter and him not realizing. And it's kinda odd because Malfoy is starting to hit on me. And that is really good because he is the school's Sex God. Oh yes and Ron is kinda mad about the attacking Harry part but oh well now I have Malfoy. HHHHMMMM. Maybe i can become a trophy wife. that would be fun. anyway I should really go to sleep now.

He he. Harry looked like an ass.


End file.
